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126 Perham Corner Rd. Lyndeborough, NH 03082
Nowadays, seldom is the issue whether parties should get divorced. The issues are under what terms, how their assets and liabilities should be divided, how their children should be parented, and whether anyone should be paying support to the other and how much.
Few cases now are brought for marital fault and proving “fault” seldom results in much of a difference, though it can result in some difference, in a property division in an “equal” division under NH RSA 458:16-a and an “equitable” division under MA c. 208, sec. 34.
However, there is another “adultery” which often is important in my obtaining a fair division of assets for my clients, “financial adultery.”
The statistics of how many spouses are committing sexual adultery are disputed, with studies concluding from 25% to 50%.
However, statistics conclude that 31% of spouses are committing financial adultery, defined as lying to their spouses about money, according to a recent study commissioned by ForbesWoman and the National Endowment for Financial Education.
In my experience representing victims who have suffered both marital wrongs, financial misconduct can be more destructive than physical misconduct, and have much longer effects.
Some signals that your partner may be cheating financially:
Sometimes, if the amounts of missing funds involved warrant it, I will recommend that my clients hire a forensic accountant to prove the misconduct. Other times, “targeted discovery requests” will prove sufficient. But, the discovery must be, targeted or my client will waste her or his money.
Discovery is propounding interrogatories, demanding documents, taking depositions, and other such things. As a trial attorney, I see daily that, despite strict court rules forbidding such behavior, discovery abuse is still a problem. It drives up litigation costs, delays resolution of disputes, and hinders justice.
Discovery abuse takes many forms, from “hiding the ball” to demanding information compilation and production of information which is of little relevance, but time consuming and annoying. It’s still fashionable in divorce litigation to demand the other side produce credit cards records going back years, when it is clear the debt will be shared equally. Also, to demand that the other side produce copies of checks going back years, as if the case hinged on the cost of a meal out.
Now, of course, they are cases where such obscure records do matter.
I think part of the problem is we lawyers practicing “protective lawyering.” We’re concerned that if we don’t demand the production of every single document and something goes wrong, we’ll be later blamed for not demanding every single document. I think we lawyers have to act with more common sense.
Sometime a party is entitled to alimony, which is different from child support. There are various types of alimony, depending on the needs of the recipient and the ability of the paying spouse, such as long term alimony, short term alimony, and rehabilitative alimony.
Most agreements providing alimony include language that the alimony ceases if the recipient is a relationship with the indicia of marriage. However, better reasoning is that the award or termination of alimony should not be based on morality, but economics. Even if someone moves in with someone, the economics, not the sleeping arrangement, should be what’s examined. Does the recipient of the alimony still need support?
In all states, it is the “best interests” of the children which determines the parenting plan, however obscurely the statutory and case law describe this.
Parents must be careful that they are really concerned with their children’s best interests, rather than with less wholesome issues, such as power and control. Too many times I have seen parents try to “Get even, get the kids!” And, although “parental alienation” as a syndrome has fallen out of psychological favor, parental alienation and other psychological abuse is very real and very destructive to children.
I represent as many men, as women, in family law matters, and I advocate passionately for both.
How parenting affects child support is a dialectic between two different theories in family law.
The test for custody or residential responsibility is what’s in the best interests of the children; what’s essential for their health, safety, and welfare.
The test for child support is the needs of the children balanced against the needs of the non-custodial parent to satisfy those needs. By and large, the custodial parent is considered to be contributing to the children’s needs by physically taking care of them. The courts try to determine this amount by formulas now, but each situation is truly unique and zealous and creative advocacy can make a great difference here.
In other words, you could have a wealthy, generous parent who shouldn’t be allowed within 10 miles of the children.
You could also have a dead beat parent who is wonderful with the children.
The old adage “If you don’t pay, you don’t play,” has no validity in family law.
In all states, it is the “best interests” of the children which determines the parenting plan, however obscurely the statutory and case law describe this.
Parents must be careful that they are really concerned with their children’s best interests, rather than with less wholesome issues, such as power and control. Too many times I have seen parents try to “Get even, get the kids!” And, although “parental alienation” as a syndrome has fallen out of psychological favor, parental alienation and other psychological abuse is very real and very destructive to children.
I represent as many men, as women, in family law matters, and I advocate passionately for both.
How parenting affects child support is a dialectic between two different theories in family law.
The test for custody or residential responsibility is what’s in the best interests of the children; what’s essential for their health, safety, and welfare.
The test for child support is the needs of the children balanced against the needs of the non-custodial parent to satisfy those needs. By and large, the custodial parent is considered to be contributing to the children’s needs by physically taking care of them. The courts try to determine this amount by formulas now, but each situation is truly unique and zealous and creative advocacy can make a great difference here.
In other words, you could have a wealthy, generous parent who shouldn’t be allowed within 10 miles of the children.
You could also have a dead beat parent who is wonderful with the children.
The old adage “If you don’t pay, you don’t play,” has no validity in family law.
When It’s Important Enough to Hire an Expert.
I am an Attorney, Mediator, Guardian ad Litem, and Collaborative Law Practitioner, with more than 40 years experience in the courtroom trying cases.
Conveniently located just 10 minutes from Milford, 20 minutes from Peterborough, and 25 minutes from Nashua. Also serving Wilton, Amherst, Hollis, Brookline, Bedford, Merrimack, Manchester, and Goffstown. And, in addition, Mason, Greenville, Temple, Mont Vernon, and New Boston.
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